Tuesday night, I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in West Van. A very good friend has started attending them as part of her treatment for her battles with extreme depression-depression that has been impacted by alcohol consumption and dependance.
Since then I've had some thoughts floating around....
Since then I've had some thoughts floating around....
Dear my friend,
I can't express openly to you how proud I am of your for taking this step. We have a very open and loving friendship, but our conversations are often couched in foul language, gossip, drug and booze stories, and everything else other than seriousness. We are extremely good at obliquely refering to things, and not always discussing everything in depth. The important things are said, but not always often enough.
I know that the first step to overcoming any problem, including addiction, is to admit that there is a problem. While this step had been admitted to, for quite some time now, nothing had been done to try to remedy it. You couldn't come to my birthday because you'd recently been in the hospital on depression-related inpatient care. You were trying to avoid scenes where alcohol would be present. You did a really good job, I think, but nevertheless, you've been back in the hospital since then.
I know that your drinking is not necessarily the reason for your depression, but I do think it is an indicator of your stress level, as well as a major contributor to some of the mood swings that can accompany depression. That's part of the reason I've tried to limit myself-we know the other reason is my mom*. Even though you're currently unemployed due to your treatment program (and therefore broke), you have taken active steps to better yourself and help your mind clear. You are spending 60 odd dollars a month on a gym pass, you're attending AA, and you've quit smoking-cold turkey.
I don't want to hear anyone say that you're not busting your ass to make things better for yourself.
You haven't had the best 10 years or so-I know how much you miss your dad, and how much volunteering for AIDS Vancouver means for you, as a way to honour his memory. Post-secondary has been hit or miss, and so have jobs. Thankfully, you're smart, enthusiastic, talented, caring, believe in yourself, and have surrounded yourself with amazing support systems-and no, I'm not trying to build myself up here.
The outpatient treatment program you're attending sounds amazing, with personal and group therapy, as well as physical recreation and accupuncture and pilates, to balance your mind and your body. You have the cutest little doggy, and you're getting along so much better with your mom these days. You've also bridged the gap between old enemies, and have rid yourself of negative people. You have the idea that you'd like to be a doctor-and don't seem to care that you won't be fully licenced now until you're in your 30s. Even in the pits of despair, you seem to have your thoughts focused on the future and the changes you want to make.
During that meeting the other night, I just kept thinking about how we have gone from teenagers partying together, to young women in our 20s trying to find ourselves, and how unbelievably proud of your strengths, your weaknesses, your humanness I am. And just how very proud I am to number myself amongst your closest circle of friends. I know that you were nervous about going to that meeting alone, since it's one of the biggest on the North Shore, but I also know how scared you must have been to let me see that side of you-the mental-patient side. And even though you didn't share any personal stories or anything that night, I could feel how much you related to a lot of what was being said. Don't ever be embarrassed to show that side to me, I will never think any less of you for it. I think it is an extremely strong person who realizes they have a problem-and then takes steps to correct it. Your preserverance in the face of your depression and disappointments makes me realize how lucky I am-lucky enough to call you friend.
I love you, and I'm ready to be a silent or vocal supporter, whatever you need me to be. I'll always be ready to meet up for a coffee, or have you up for the weekend if you need to escape. And hey, maybe I'll even leave Canada with you sometime-shall we go shopping in the States? I value the friendship that we have, and I know that the problems we've had in the past were mostly on my part. I'm glad that they are in the past now, and that we are at a place where we're comfortable enough to go to AA together-and it's not a big deal.
I think you're amazing. Remember that.
--Meg
I know that the first step to overcoming any problem, including addiction, is to admit that there is a problem. While this step had been admitted to, for quite some time now, nothing had been done to try to remedy it. You couldn't come to my birthday because you'd recently been in the hospital on depression-related inpatient care. You were trying to avoid scenes where alcohol would be present. You did a really good job, I think, but nevertheless, you've been back in the hospital since then.
I know that your drinking is not necessarily the reason for your depression, but I do think it is an indicator of your stress level, as well as a major contributor to some of the mood swings that can accompany depression. That's part of the reason I've tried to limit myself-we know the other reason is my mom*. Even though you're currently unemployed due to your treatment program (and therefore broke), you have taken active steps to better yourself and help your mind clear. You are spending 60 odd dollars a month on a gym pass, you're attending AA, and you've quit smoking-cold turkey.
I don't want to hear anyone say that you're not busting your ass to make things better for yourself.
You haven't had the best 10 years or so-I know how much you miss your dad, and how much volunteering for AIDS Vancouver means for you, as a way to honour his memory. Post-secondary has been hit or miss, and so have jobs. Thankfully, you're smart, enthusiastic, talented, caring, believe in yourself, and have surrounded yourself with amazing support systems-and no, I'm not trying to build myself up here.
The outpatient treatment program you're attending sounds amazing, with personal and group therapy, as well as physical recreation and accupuncture and pilates, to balance your mind and your body. You have the cutest little doggy, and you're getting along so much better with your mom these days. You've also bridged the gap between old enemies, and have rid yourself of negative people. You have the idea that you'd like to be a doctor-and don't seem to care that you won't be fully licenced now until you're in your 30s. Even in the pits of despair, you seem to have your thoughts focused on the future and the changes you want to make.
During that meeting the other night, I just kept thinking about how we have gone from teenagers partying together, to young women in our 20s trying to find ourselves, and how unbelievably proud of your strengths, your weaknesses, your humanness I am. And just how very proud I am to number myself amongst your closest circle of friends. I know that you were nervous about going to that meeting alone, since it's one of the biggest on the North Shore, but I also know how scared you must have been to let me see that side of you-the mental-patient side. And even though you didn't share any personal stories or anything that night, I could feel how much you related to a lot of what was being said. Don't ever be embarrassed to show that side to me, I will never think any less of you for it. I think it is an extremely strong person who realizes they have a problem-and then takes steps to correct it. Your preserverance in the face of your depression and disappointments makes me realize how lucky I am-lucky enough to call you friend.
I love you, and I'm ready to be a silent or vocal supporter, whatever you need me to be. I'll always be ready to meet up for a coffee, or have you up for the weekend if you need to escape. And hey, maybe I'll even leave Canada with you sometime-shall we go shopping in the States? I value the friendship that we have, and I know that the problems we've had in the past were mostly on my part. I'm glad that they are in the past now, and that we are at a place where we're comfortable enough to go to AA together-and it's not a big deal.
I think you're amazing. Remember that.
--Meg
*My mom drinks A LOT, which is part of the reason I don't talk to/about her very much. It has affected our relationship.
4 Rambles:
Aw! I'm glad your friend has a friend like you :)
I think you're amazing for writing this.
Thanks ladies :)
You are simply wonderful, Meg. One helluva support system for your friend. A sister.
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