Dear Megan,
Remember how you wanted to pay off your debts? Your line of credit, credit card, student loan, and car loan? Remember how you wanted to actually pay it off, and not just transfer money from your line of credit to pay off your credit card?
Yeah, you remember that?
Well, to do that, YOU NEED TO STOP SPENDING MONEY!
You do not need new clothes. Nor do you need to go to the movies, or eat out, or to waste gas driving around Vancouver. You don't need to be a megaconsumer like everyone your age seems to be. Your pants may be too big by a couple sizes, but they are still in good shape, and just need a belt. Being fashionable isn't as important as being out of debt. It's ridiculous to buy a new pair of pants when the only thing wrong with the ones you are wearing is that they're a bit too big, or the cuffs are frayed, or one of the pockets has a hole. You have a satellite dish at home; just watch crap on there. You don't need to go watch movies in the theatre. Sushi for dinner once a week is cheap and tasty; you don't need to eat out more than that. Especially since the other stuff is really not good for you.
You don't need to buy more crap. You don't actually need any more furniture, blankets, dishes, accessories, or anything else. Your house is already in need of a good cleaning-out; there are lots of things that can be donated, or possibly sold. Quit buying shit, including food that either is really shit, or is just too pricey!
Your role models in this are you grandparents-Gramma D and Grampa L, who got married at 50 and have lived debt-free since then. You know that they are still living how they want to live, within reason. They are awesome role models.
You know that you are capable of living on very little money-just do it!
--Megan

Irrational

I am so very, very, very bitter today.
I'm angry at the whole world.
I didn't want to be at work, I didn't want to be at home, I didn't want to make dinner, I didn't want to clean up from dinner, I didn't want to watch tv, read, be on the internet, talking to anyone on the phone, or do anything else at all today. I don't want to shower and straighten my hair. I don't want to do laundry or clean up the house. I don't want to do anything but wallow and stew.
I was frustrated at the members of the public I had to deal with today. I didn't want to speak to my coworkers. I don't want to talk to Sam. I don't want to talk to my brothers. I don't want to talk to the neighbour who says hi when I'm walking up the walk. I don't want to answer the phone. I want to just hide.
The headlines that I read, the news that I hear, makes me lose a little bit more faith in humanity every day. Where is the beauty, the joy, the rightness of people? How can you believe that people are decent when a dozen people stand around or participate in the brutal gangrape of a girl? Or that a group of boys doused another boy with rubbing alcohol and lit him on fire? The universe just seems to fling crap willy-nilly.
Drastic times call for drastic measures: I'm putting myself to bed at 8 pm.

Weird at My School

In that last meme I wrote (I totally say me-me, since it is all about me!), there was one section that was about 10 years ago. Since this past summer, I've become very aware that I can actually reemember things that happened 10 years ago.
It's the first time that I've really become aware that I can remember things that happened a decade ago.
Prior to this summer, I would have fleeting thoughts about the past, but wouldn't really think about how long ago things had happened. I mean, ten years? That's a lot.
But at the same time, it totally isn't. It feels like just last week I was 15, not 25. I had just moved to Terrace, I was dating my first "real" boyfriend, I was spending time with my dad and older brother.
I was also on my way to a major depressive episode.
Since it's the first time I can really think back and realize that yes, 1o years ago, I was doing this, and I was saying this, and reading that, and what have you, I've begun to wonder more about my future. For the past few years, I've just been focused on finishing up my degree, and now that I'm actually done it, I'm wondering what my next endeavour will be.
I'm debating whether or not I should go for my master's degree. I had made a rough 5-year plan, in which I would work full-time for 1 or 2 years, and then attend grad school at SFU, finishing my master's by the time I turn 30.
Then I bought my car. I have monthly payments to make for 7 years, unless I pay it off sooner. I do hope to pay it off sooner, but it means that I won't be able to afford grad school.
While I don't have any regrets about buying the car, I do have some disappointments. One of them is that I have to redo that rough 5-year plan that I had, and figure out how and when I'm going to continue at university.
I'm also considering working some more on a BA. I have just about half of the credits I need to finish my my BA, if I keep going with my original interest, which was a majoy in history and a minor in anthropoly. I need to talk to an advisor, but I'm pretty sure I could also just get a BA in general studies while having a concentration in history or anthropology.
Currently, I'm leaning more towards working some more on my BA, and then starting my master's in a couple years. My reasoning for this is because I honestly can't afford grad school right now, I am still not 100% I know what grad program I want to do, and because I'm actually quite interested in studying some more history.
I am hoping to make an appointment with an advisor at SFU sometime in the next few weeks so I can talk to them about transferring credits and all that good stuff.

What I like about yoooou

1. You factored me into your budget when planning for New York
2. You put up with me talking about Sam
3. You like to spend time together reading books, talking about books, and trading books.
   
4. You're purdy, and sometimes you even accept my compliments!
5. You're a smarty-pants
6. You never tell me to quit whining when I'm...well...whining!
7. You are the perfect height to hug
8. You introduce me fun webcomics
9. You let me sleep on your couch, in your bed, or on your floor, whenever I need to...even if you're not home
10. You stop everything to talk to me when I'm upset
11. You call me Bacon
12. You have lovely long nails that are perfect for scratching (me and the cats)
13. You cuddle my kitties
14. You come to visit me, wherever I live: Terrace, Kamloops, Squamish
15. You are so metropolitan-you don't even know how to drive!
16. You are generous and caring
17. You treat me to hockey games
18. You help perpetuate my obsession with collecting rubber duckies
19. You always ask how my family is doing, and listen to the answer
20. You assume that packages coming from Namibia are children
21. You Rick Roll people (ok, just one person really, but I love hearing about it)
22. You are loving and kind and have stood by my side as my best friend for 14 years (15 in March!!!)

You are my Shari, and I wouldn't trade you for anything or anyone!

Children see, children do.

I saw this video while doing my normal internet-trolling this morning. I found it really poignant, and a bit upsetting to watch. I honestly don't think that people being assholes is a new phenomenon, but I do think it's something that I should keep in mind, especially when I'm in a bad mood and out in public! I never know who is watching and how they are reacting to, or picking up on, how I'm speaking and acting.

C'est Moi

Ooops, apparently I didn't hit publish on this on Wednesday night when I thought I had. So, sorry, it's a couple days late!

**********************************************************************************

I like to use other blogger's posts to create my own...mostly because I'm lazy.

Thanks for this one, Jen!

20 years ago:
1. I lived in Burnaby, BC.
2. I had two brothers, two parents, two grammas, two grampas, a step-grampa, a great-gramma, and a step-great-grampa.
3. I could ride a two-wheeler (no training wheels for my brothers and I!)

10 years ago:
1. I had my first "real" boyfriend.
2. I was thinking about (gasp) having sex for the first time.
3. I was drinking too much.

5 years ago:
1. I was living a fairly directionless-life.
2. I was working as a barista at Starbucks.
3. I had no idea when I'd ever be done university.

3 years ago:
1. I was entering into the 1st year of the tourism program in Kamloops.
2. I had been dating Sam for a couple months, and didn't really expect it to last.
3. I was living with my dad again, as an adult.

1 year ago:
1. I was halfway through the last semester of my undergrad degree.
2. I terrified I wouldn't find a job when I moved to Squamish.
3. I repierced my nose! (Ok, it was a more like 13.5 months ago!)

So far this year:
1. I’ve regularly gone to the gym for a while...then stopped.
2. I went on a vacation to a new place.
3. I bought a new car.

Yesterday I:
1. bought spinach dip on a whim-but was nice enough to share it with Sam!
2. spoke on the phone with my Shari, for what felt like the first time in ages, as well as my Daddy.
3. had a mild panic attack about money, while I was trying to go to sleep.

Today I:
1. figured my money worries weren't quite as bad as I thought last night.
2. cleared out most of the inbox of the general info email at my work.
3. decided I really need to write myself a budget.

Tomorrow I:
1. will get up early enough that I don't have to rush around trying to get ready for work
2. will babysit a 2 year-old, and have lots of fun playing with him!!!
3. will look for the positives of the day.

In the next year I:
1. hope to pay off my credit card and my line of credit, so I can put more of my income towards my student loan and my car loan.
2. hope to find some sort of second source of income for myself.
3. want to see both my brothers happy with where they are and with themselves. (Obviously I have little to do with this, but desperately want them to be feeling better in their individual lives.)

Seriously though. How do you pronounce “meme”?

Out on the Weekend

I've spent the last three weekends away from home. The first two were because I was away in Nova Scotia, and then this past weekend I went over to Victoria for the wedding reception of an old friend.
I had a fantastic time on vacation, and a mostly-decent time in Victoria this weekend. I got to hang out with my older brother, I got to see old friends, I got to show off my new car.
What wasn't decent, was the migraine I got Friday night, and the fact that the reception on Saturday was a rave. The music...oi...I don't even have the words to describe how little I enjoy techno music. I left before midnight, and went back to our friend's place and crashed...to be woken up by drunken revellers, and kept awake until 6 am.
Obviously, I'm glad my brother and my friends had a good time...just not at the expense of my sleep! I really hate crashing at other people's houses for that reason; I don't sleep well when I'm away from home usually, and I tend to avoid staying away from my own house unless I know the others very well.
I couldn't exactly go to the reception without staying over the night, and the cheapest place was to stay at our friend's. With 7 other people in a one-bedroom apartment.
Not sleeping properly is a pretty big contributing factor in my depression cycle, so I try to avoid situations that mean I won't get enough sleep. It definitely limits some aspects of my social life, but the comfort of my own bed (and cats!) and the stability offered to my mental health means that it's usually worth it, except in cases like this weekend.
Anyways, this weekend, I plan on hanging around home, sleeping in, reading books, and maybe trying to work on any number of the to-dos on my list!